Washed it down with Prosecco the way you wash cough syrup down with Prosecco.
You can either get drunk, or you can get high on codeine and DXM. The taste’s the same; you just have to quickly check whether or not you’re a 13 year old in the southern states of the U.S. of A.
If you’re not, you should probably think about buying a different bottle of wine.
2.59 2 @Kaufland
Threw up everywhere. Just everywhere. All over everywhere. All over the place. “What place?” you ask. My place. All over. Everywhere.
This bizarre cocktail is ostensibly the same as the much lauded Contado, but brutal on the system. It might not really be the fault of the drink though. It could have elderflower in it, and I’m allergic, okay? Since I was a kid, got it? Really bad stomach pain. Really bad. All over.
That, or the amount of cheap gin I added.
You never know.
Apart from that, this vermouth is, like the Contado, poor-man’s Pimm’s. Which, you might think, rather defeats the entire religious ideology surrounding Pimm’s.
But this isn’t about the Reformation (as I had suggested in my Contado review).
Because, instead of questioning indulgences, I just try to offer you cheaper ones for the same spiritual reward:
“As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul into heaven springs.”
That hasn’t changed. Just now, see, it’s smaller coin.
Which makes me the Pope of really cheap wine. Which makes you my flock.
So, go, my children, go! Go out and drop your coin into the cash-register of redemption! Go and slowly twist off that bottle-cap of revelation! And oh, my children, those among you who may suffer from an elderflower allergy stay away from the stuff cause it’s not worth it, trust me. Seriously, I mean it. Don’t go near this shit. Or check the label. I dunno. You could call the company, I guess. Maybe it was just me. Or something I ate. That’s also possible.
1.19 3 @Kaufland
Rooster’s crow barred sharp edge of a roof warm light through the chinked slates of a new meal.
As for how it tastes, it’s pretty damn good. It wakes your palate up as opposed to putting it to sleep.
2.49 3.5 @Rewe
Sometimes you take a sip of wine and a dilemma confronts you: is this corked? or is this just excruciatingly bad?
But if you find yourself asking these questions, one quick check can usually solve your problem. If the bottle you’re holding is a cheap Sicilian red, it’s just bad.
I dyed a shirt with this one, so it gets half a star for being useful and containing alcohol.
1.99 0.5 @Edeka
Setting yet another standard in the viscous clays of mediocrity, this dull, cheap Merlot is a dry red that aches to be interesting but can’t quite pull itself away from the TV long enough to do anything about it.
It’s a bottle of could-haves and what-ifs: the morning jog never taken, the dinner passed over for take-away pizza, the free French course never attended because, let’s be honest, what use is French in the TV room?
1.79 2.5 @Edeka
Pepper at the end of this beeline, or is it crow flies, dry arrow of a red.
3.90 3.5 @Kaiser’s
Like the middle-aged man who, if he makes an attempt at fitness and doesn’t dye those grey hairs, will look quite respectable in a few years.
Having met him at this point, however, he is still slightly portly and uninteresting—a little tart and unimpressive…. Perhaps in a few years.
3.49 3 @Kaufland
This is a really simple cheap red wine—a little Dad’s-been-making-wine-again unstable, but no one’s complaining. Or, I’m not. You can find a better wine for the price (French wines tend to be a bit more highly priced anyway), but for that cheap wine, pre-drink, wine at the park, found in the kitchen at a house party, half bottle morning swig, this will do you just fine.
2.99 2.5 @Kaufland
One of the glories of cheap wine tends to be that it’s young, packs a punch, is a bit all over the place, but you forgive it because, for some reason, youth always gets a bye.
The Reservas, however, tend to come out like the guy at the high school reunion who still doesn’t shower and still makes minimum wage at the local gas station; everyone wonders why he never made anything of himself, the internal dialogue running something akin to “thank God I’m under-assistant-vice-manager of a bank.”
This Reserva, however, bucks the trend. You respect him because, while not being under-vice manager, he’s gentle, has moments of ascerbic wit, and can definitely handle a guitar. Yeah, he turned out ok.
2.99 3 @Kaiser’s
An impossibly obese gentleman sweat-draped half-naked over a car could hardly hope to help sell the vehicle faster, and this impossibly bad label did not have me leaping for the bottle.
However, like the sagging Ferrari beneath our larger friend, this wine had very little to do with its label. A nice, dry, oaky wine. Do not be put off by the front cover.
2.79 3.5 @Kaufland
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