Tastes like a large bottle of slightly crap table wine.
But, in case that’s too vague, I’ll try to elaborate.
You know when you’re with a friend and one of you has brought a bottle of wine to drink and neither of you know if it’s any good? And so you open it and you both take the first sip?
Right. So then your friend says “Well, it’s not bad,” and you nod.
But there’s a funny emphasis on the word “bad” that’s akin to your Mother meeting your girlfriend and saying: “Well, darling, I’m glad she’s not selling herself on the street anymore,” and somehow it doesn’t feel that good inside.
And so you say: “Isn’t that what Granny said about you when you first met?” and you both laugh, realising that we all get through life with our flaws and foibles and that we take what comes to us as it may and do our best to stick it through to the end and make something good out of what’s been given to us, however small.
And you say: “At least in comes in a large bottle.”
And your Mother says: “What, darling? I don’t quite understand.”
And your friend says: “Hey, you were just talking to yourself again.”
And everything gets a bit surreal.
Well, that’s like this wine.
2.49 2 @Kaufland 1L
Rooster’s crow barred sharp edge of a roof warm light through the chinked slates of a new meal.
As for how it tastes, it’s pretty damn good. It wakes your palate up as opposed to putting it to sleep.
2.49 3.5 @Rewe
If cheap wine drinkers had a champagne staple then this would be it
because they do.
Enjoyably bad, fruity and tinny, this cheap Prosecco is the product of choice for any map-cap, down on your…, back alley celebration.
1.79 3.5 @Lidl
If a wine could be charming—gentleman’s arm off the train, champagne glass from a white-gloved hand—then this would be it. This cheap red vino frizzante is fruity and low in alcohol, making up for the lack of booze with just how much you’ll like drinking it.
1.99 3.5 @Kaiser’s
Wine should be friendly. It should try to get to know you. It should want to be inside of you (yes, let us mark the birth of Vinoporn). It can even, sometimes, play hard to get.
But this wine didn’t even attempt to get to know me. It wasn’t bad sex per se; it was worse—ambivalent. It was as if I were going through all the proper motions while my partner was channel hopping between the BBC World Service and Antiques Roadshow. Not really my thing.
The wine: bland, thin, well-balanced to the point of boredom, (none of the apples I’d been promised in a Bardolino), disinterested.
1.99 2 @Kaufland
Like fizzy water for forgetting it’s there while draining it and, not surprisingly, after a little of the same, forgetting it ever was there at all.
Which, quite obviously, calls for another bottle.
Not tasting of much, but pleasantly free and easy in what little taste it has, this cheap Prosecco manages to be both evening entertainer and morning breakfast maker, the thing to see you to bed and to raise you out of it, the deep night dark bench stumble and the afternoon loll.
1.99 3.5 @Kaiser’s
Tastes like leave-her-to-breathe, really cheap, cut my tongue out red wine. So, no surprises there. Working the penniless angle with panache, this wine makes no attempt to lull you into a false sense of wealth or good taste. Sharp, barely palatable, you just end up with what you paid for. Nice.
1.99 2.5 @Kaufland
Came back from working on the Baltic sea, exhausted, but with a bit of spare change from the paycheque with which, now I was massively wealthy, I planned to buy an oh so special wine. I went to the superstore, inspected the aisles, found the fanciest looking label on the most exorbitantly priced bottle I could, swanned up to the cashier, proudly produced the five Euros and sauntered home—bottle dangling from my hand that all the jealous bystanders might look and be amazed.
Uncorked the bottle and let breathe. Ceremoniously poured a couple of glasses. “Cheers.” Put gently to lips.
The wine: ruefully underwhelming; tart, dry, ok … like what you might expect from a wine just a little under five Euros. Not worth it when you could get two bottles of something equally as good for the same price. End of story as far as drinking the thing is concerned
But, if you want to experience, if only briefly, the everlasting feeling of glory that creeps into your bosom as the whole world turns to watch you in awe and respect in the minute it takes you to stride home…. Yes, then it might be worth it.
4.49 3.5 @Kaufland
Tastes like vodka going down, with all the necessarily contemplated gags and shudders. Otherwise, this cheap Italian white is a full, rich pleasure: the lush, deep bite that bears away the juice-sodden flesh of a melon in mid-summer—a melon that has, you quickly find out, slowly been soaking up vodka for the past few days.
3.49 3.5 @Kaufland
Fruity and dry, this cheap Italian white is rather maiden gathering lilies at pond’s edge hazy afternoon dappled waters type thing—her shoulders bared, handsome (but rebuffed) suitor approaching from behind. It straddles the fine line between prelude to a classic Greco-Roman god abduction scene and prelude to a harlequin romance … well … abduction scene. Either way, it’s a wonderfully picturesque taste, even if that taste does occasionally verge on trashy.
2.29 3.5 @Kaufland
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