Washed it down with Prosecco the way you wash cough syrup down with Prosecco.
You can either get drunk, or you can get high on codeine and DXM. The taste’s the same; you just have to quickly check whether or not you’re a 13 year old in the southern states of the U.S. of A.
If you’re not, you should probably think about buying a different bottle of wine.
2.59 2 @Kaufland
One of the glories of cheap wine tends to be that it’s young, packs a punch, is a bit all over the place, but you forgive it because, for some reason, youth always gets a bye.
The Reservas, however, tend to come out like the guy at the high school reunion who still doesn’t shower and still makes minimum wage at the local gas station; everyone wonders why he never made anything of himself, the internal dialogue running something akin to “thank God I’m under-assistant-vice-manager of a bank.”
This Reserva, however, bucks the trend. You respect him because, while not being under-vice manager, he’s gentle, has moments of ascerbic wit, and can definitely handle a guitar. Yeah, he turned out ok.
2.99 3 @Kaiser’s
Not up there with the other Tempranillos, straggling fucker. A bit like the kid in class who tries really hard but can’t quite keep up. I’m mean, you kinda feel bad for the guy, and tonnes of respect for the effort and all. But he’s a C+ all around (plus for effort) and you just feel a bit sorry for him.
Nice enough to tolerate once, but just a bit sharpish. Considering the other cheap Tempranillos and how damn good they were, this just doesn’t match up—it’s still no bad wine though.
2.99 3 @Kaufland
Climbed down a rusty ladder into a leaking boat, pitch black, towed to a ship sunk into the bed of the Spree with this cheap red in my hand. Looked up through flashing lights while on board to see giants wrestling over this barely floating dance party—a party in complete contrast to this calm and heavy and gentle and powerful giant before the fight.
2.49 4.5 @Lidl
This Spanish red has no discernible flavour and tonnes of alcohol. “Well balanced” to the extent that all the flavours that it might have had balance each other out, this wine can only leave you disappointed on the taste side. … except for the alcohol—which fumes through the nose, will burn your throat and turn your stomach.
It is, to balance this review out, cheap as hell, however. And for its price, its not so bad.
1.29 2 @Woolworth’s
Paint with it. Fill a pool with it. Clean a sink with it. If you’re feeling really lucky, cook with it. Just don’t drink it. This wine is a child’s potion experiment of candy and dust and Mother’s vodka with legions of tiny ants slowly drowning in it.
Also, have you ever read a label that said:
“Once opened, please consume within 3 days”?
Neither have I. “Best consumed within,…” “For your greatest enjoyment,…” I’ve read those. They sound like offers of kindly and sage advice. “Please consume,…” that’s a threat, blackmail, a gangster telling you to get out your wallet Mother-f@#ker in 1-2-3….
For the greatest dare of all time open the bottle and come back on the fourth day. Trust me the, that gangster ain’t got nothing on this thang.
P.S. A poor housemate accidentally used it to caramelise onions—I had suggested that someone might. Apparently the result was like “biting into a crabapple that had been watered with piss.” Oh, and they came out bright purple.
1.49 0 1L @Lidl
A pretty label and gold thread stuff and it’s so old—quite a special looking wine considering the fact that it tastes slightly dilapidated. That’s a bit harsh considering that this is quite a good cheap wine. And 2006 was a long time ago, so we’re all really impressed that whoever made it could keep their hands off it till now. On the other hand, the age thing has made it taste a bit dry and musty, like you licked a vine-covered and crumbling limestone wall and it was wine.
2.29 3 @Kaufland
This is a simple but good wine, one which should be drunk overlooking mountains: “Somewhere epic,” says Kevin. After the move into our new flat: the slog through the U-Bahn with luggage, the dusting, scrubbing, rearranging, unpacking, repacking into closets, eating, and finally collapsing, this wine’s easy-going simplicity was incredibly welcome. And, it goes straight to your legs which, sprawled across a couch, is just the best feeling.
1.59 3.5 @Kaufland
A great wine. Citrus and not too dry and it gets better as you drink it. At 1.25 it’s a superb buy, and with a bastardized duck a l’orange (made with a leaky gas stove-top on our fridge, so if I can do it, you can, too), it made for a fantastic evening. Go out and drink, my legions, go out and drink!