Sometimes you take a sip of wine and a dilemma confronts you: is this corked? or is this just excruciatingly bad?
But if you find yourself asking these questions, one quick check can usually solve your problem. If the bottle you’re holding is a cheap Sicilian red, it’s just bad.
I dyed a shirt with this one, so it gets half a star for being useful and containing alcohol.
1.99 0.5 @Edeka
Fermented dandelions and other weeds as flavours mark this wine as being entirely in a league of its own. Pine resin, added to give Kourtaki the distinctive taste that very few who’ve tried it could possibly forget, makes it God-awful, at least in cheap form. Like a Greek mountain shepherd’s curative herb brew for an ailing member of his flock, it tastes rough going down and, for humans at least, is certainly no more remedial. It’s a half a glass each and the rest down the drain.
2.49 1 @Kaufland
Am not entirely sure who decides these wines are worth making because, from a drinker’s point of view, they’re not. I have yet to come across a redeeming feature of any of these Grand Sud wines. They look appealing and they taste like an absolute waste of cash.
An excerpt from the 2009 Grand Sud Chardonnay review:
“‘It tastes fine at first, and then it sits around…. And hurts.’ Cloying and definitely overstaying its welcome, this is like no Chardonnay I’ve ever tasted…. Or hope to taste again. There is something particularly galling about a wine whose aftertaste is so unpleasant that it calls for another glug of the same trash.”
Tragically, the Merlot doesn’t even beg to be sipped again, let alone glugged. And when you’ve got an entire litre to get through, the challenge to finish it (while Everest-like and therefore an admirable feat if accomplished) is daunting.
The lucky thing about all of these wines is that their labels are readily identifiable, which means you can spot them quickly, and avoid them like the cash-sucking plague they are.
2.22 1.5 @Kaisers
Gross cheap drunk alcohol breath fumes drooling into a bottle; that’s as close a description as I can get to how I imagine this filth got into, and then unfortunately fell out of, the bottle I bought.
There is a reason why this wine is sold at a dollar store. Where we could barely get through the white version of this detritus was where we should have stopped.
P.S. thinking of starting a new category entitled “Masochists: You’re Welcome.” This might be the first entry.
1.00 1 @Euroshop
So, if you’d wondered who doesn’t sell really cheap wine in Germany and had thought that checking your nearest Euoshop was a pointless idea, you were half right. This one Euro white is revolting, every sip, especially near the end of the bottle (here’s to an uncontrollable, writhing grimace). But, it’s one Euro! So deal with the bitter grass body shimmy tongue seizure and give thanks to the Gods of really cheap wine…. Then maybe move on to something better.
1 1.5 @Euroshop
This is a vile, little gag-reflex-type of wine, tasting of tongue-chapping rotten fruits that someone kindly fermented so that lighter-fluid and antifreeze would have something to look down on. Not only that, but it was 2.99, which adds serious insult to injury, injury being the desire to vomit every time I see a rose. “Surely it was corked. Surely there was something untoward going on with this wine,” I hear the huddled masses cry.
I don’t think so. But there’s always hope.
P.S. Please don’t sue me for libel. If you are the people who created this….thing, send me a bottle and I’ll try it again and maybe throw up another review that’s more favourable. Or….well you can see where the pun’s going……