Der Trockene 2008

Although we pride ourselves on our wine knowledge here at reallycheapwine.com, a few of the finer technical details sometimes leave even us in the dark. Questions like: “What is wine made of?”, “Why does it make me feel so good inside?”, followed by “How come it doesn’t contain more of this ‘alcohol’ stuff?” have been raised in discussion only to be resolved by arduous hours trawling through Wikipedia, translating arcane wine-speak into understandable prose.

Today, we address yet another one of these pressing questions: “What makes wine dry?”

Wikipedia says that the dryness of a wine is “determined by the interaction of several factors, including the amount of sugar in the wine to be sure, but also the relative levels of alcohol, acids, and tannins.”

That, to us, sounded like someone who didn’t know what he was talking about. So, on a vote of four in favour with one abstention, we came to a new definition:

“Wine is made dry by adding to it the honeycombs of bees that have recently been raided by bears.”

Why? Because it sounds right.

Which leads us to this particular wine: “Der Trockene” or “The Dry One.”

“The Dry One” is a pretty apt title ’cause it’s really fucking dry. Tongue to sandpaper, mouth to sandpaper, throat to sandpaper dry. It has too much beehive in it. Way too much beehive. True, it’s not the worst wine you’ve ever had, but how can you be sure when you can’t feel your mouth anymore and it’s trying to eat itself?

Now, we respect the Germans for trying. After so much heckling over the brutally sweet undrinkable syrup they normally produce, their effort in making a wine this dry is laudable and shows frightening efficiency and determination. Well done Germany. However, in the end, they just didn’t pull it off.

Luckily for us, this cheap German white raised some interesting questions and made us think more about what makes wine the glorious beverage we worship daily. We chased some wild geese and arrived, panting, at the truth. And now we have shared that truth with you.

You’re welcome.

2.49 2.5 @Kaufland

This wine is: 3, Cheap German Wine, Kaufland, Under Three Euros, White Wine.